“Hey man, we got the kegs. Four of em. You ready?”
Ready? The words trickle through my brain. I’m 18 years old, finishing high school. Hanging with my friends Jeff, Paul, Ron, John, and Chris. Dave is there. So’s Bob. Gary's somewhere. The beer is cold. An abandoned barn has been pre-scouted as the spot du jour. My “man-machine” the 1974 Fiat is gassed and ready, intimidating the world with it's huge rubber bumpers. The word has been spread around the school. It’s time for a good old-fashioned beer blowout.
And it’s up to me to bring the music.
Now, in reality, that scene may have taken place in the late ‘70’s or early ‘80’s, but the perfect music to complete this scene just dropped into my hands, fresh and dirty in 2011.
Taddy Porter bring on a southern-fried, greasy blitz of big riff, blues-infected rock that just begs to be cranked up and blown out of ’67 Camaro’s, ’73 Mach One’s, and just about any pick-up truck ever made. These guys are simply a party in a bottle. This is retro-rock, near-perfection and should blow the band huge. Their blues riffs are meaty and beefy enough to get the guys gathered around the keg head-bobbing in rock-mania unison, while the backbeat grooves and undulates with enough sex to keep the girls swaying their hips on the dancefloor. Or in this case, the dance barn.
I knew I was in good shape from the very first seconds of “Whatever Haunts You,” quite simply a monster of retro-fried Zeppelin blues frenzy. From the very first moment, the boys show restraint, inherently knowing what it takes to bring dynamic to the song. A simple, bluesy guitar stutter brings us on. A drum beats somewhere in the background, steadily, like someone making love behind the barn door. Slowly, languidly, the pace picks up until . . . all blues hell breaks loose. Andy Brewer belts out the opening with a gruff-Plant energy as guitars, bass, and drums kick into full fury around him. Dust bellows from the abandoned barn as air guitars break out from the guys and those young girls start swaying in ways far too seductive to write about in a family music site. Oh fuck that. They’re sexy as all get out. Guys lining the walls watching those girls grind and shake, fantasies filling their heads. And in each of those fantasies, “Whatever Haunts You,” is playing. Dropping down to a mid-song respite, bellowing back up with a raging guitar solo courtesy of Joe Selby. Kevin Jones on bass and Doug Jones on the kit keep those female hips taunting and teasing. A great modern blues rock number through and through.
“Big Enough” keeps the sexual energy driving with a country-fried blues work-out. This is what I always wanted the Black Crowes to sound like. Big muscular guitars, stop-start riffing, snotty backing vocals, and Andy spewing out lyrics that seem to be about just what you might think with a title like “Big Enough.” Not sure about that, but on my imaginary dancefloor that’s what they’d all be thinking anyways. Toss in a truly bopping chorus and this song is another barn burner.
“Shake Me,” rocks in a Bad Company vein, maybe with a touch of BTO or many other 70’s rockers. The opening riff reminds me of half of an ELO track before it takes off into dirty blues rock heaven. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why this song wouldn’t be a hit. In the 70’s it would’ve been and Taddy Porter would be filling stadiums with their southern Arena rock approach. And the crowd would’ve eaten it up. Whiskey soaks through each note like a home-bottled brew of 70’s moonshine. Each riff is powered with enough grit and dust to make it truly authentic. These aren’t guys going through the motions and they aren’t living in the past. They’re living this rock, day to day, moment to moment. Authenticity drips from each song like blood from an opened vein. Toss some Stone Axe into the mix and we got a whole new breed of modern 70’s rock.
As the party rages on and the keg starts to dry up, “Long Slow Drag” offers a brief respite from the frenzied rock. A momentary slow dance before “I Gotta Love,” attacks in Blackfoot intensity. The party rages back to full force. With that charging guitar riff and killer vocal hook, hands fly into the air, the dance barn fills, beer flies and spills. “Mean Bitch” sums up the wallflower guys’ thoughts at all the girls who rejected them that night with a guitar solo that can burn off enough of these guys’ pent up sexual frustrations.
The first fight of the night erupts to the rocking second half of “Fire in the Streets” which escalates from it’s subdued beginning in true Bad Company fashion to a full-on fist-throwing guitar epic mid-section. A few lips get bloodied. A few girls start crying in high school dramatics. It’s all good. It’s a Saturday night at a barn beer fest.
Finally, as the keg runs dry, Taddy Porter cool the crowd down with the restrained, mid-tempo closers of “Railroad Queen” with it’s tasty slide licks and southern boogie, then the finale of “King Louie” a guitar screamer with a fierce backbeat a la The Rockets or 38 Special when they were good. Andy’s voice really shines here revealing some tastefully roughed up soulful vocal chords, and the band ushers the crowd out with some stinging guitar leads.
The Camaros fire up. The Mach One’s drive off. Empty kegs get thrown into the back of the pick up trucks and I climb behind the wheel of my . . . Fiat. Testosterone burned. Sweat stained. Sexual fantasy induced. It’s been one helluva night.
And Taddy Porter is on tap for next weeks blast as well.
--Racer
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Buy here mp3: Taddy Porter (Amazon Exclusive Version)
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