“Hello and welcome once again to The Ripple Effect Shopping Network. I’m your host Penfold and I’m joined today by the lovely and talented Miss Mary. We’re so glad you could join us because we have something very special to show you. Isn’t that right Miss Mary?”
“Oh yes! Very special! All you waveriders out there are going to love it. Just love it!”
“Ha ha! You’re oh so right about that Mary. What do you say we give the people a peek at what has caused so much titillation among our crew? I’m looking at our producers off camera to see whether or not the merchandise has been set up and…yes. Our producers have given me the thumbs up so let’s get a shot of the goods. As you can see…Mary? Mary, where are you going?”
“I’ll be back in a moment.”
“Alrighty then. Well folks it looks like it’s just you and me for the time being, but back to the matter at hand. We here at TRESN have used our industry connections and engineered an exclusive distribution license with Windian Records. What you are looking at on your television screen is the brand new box set a.k.a. the inaugural Windian Records Subscription Series. Inside this stylishly striped box you get not one, not two, not three, but FIVE new 7” vinyl singles! That’s right, FIVE 7” vinyl singles by five different bands! And get this! Not only do you get the five 7” vinyls, you’ll also receive a twelve page art booklet and a voucher for an MP3 download of all the music contained in the set! But wait. That’s not all. If you call in and purchase this item in the next fifteen minutes we’ll throw in at no extra charge all five B-sides on those 7” vinyls, effectively doubling your order! We must be crazy! Talk about an amazing value right Mary? Mary’s not back yet? Oh, okay. Moving on then. So we’ve shown you what the glossy box and its musical contents look like. I’ll bet that all of you watching right now would like to know what the bands sound lik…”
“I’m back!”
“Hello Mary. It’s nice of you to reappear. Care to explain why you felt the need to walk off set?”
“Isn’t it obvious Penfold?”
“Not really, no.”
“Gosh. Typical Penfold. I had to change my outfit to better reflect the music we’re selling.”
“Mary you look like a flower child. You’re wearing bell-bottom slacks and a maroon colored vest adorned with peace sign buttons.”
“Exactly. Is there a problem?”
“Mary I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you’ve missed the mark by a decade or so. Do you remember those vintage black leather jackets that we featured last month?”
“Sure.”
“Good. I need you to lose that vest and go put one of those jackets on. Also ditch the bell-bottoms and find a torn up pair of blue jeans. Add some cheap looking sunglasses and you’ll look perfect.”
“Penfold, I…”
“Go Mary. Go now.”
“Okay.”
“Sorry about that folks. Where were we? Ah yes, what the five bands sound like. If you appreciate classic punk rock music then you’ll be in heaven! First up is the Barreracudas from Atlanta, Georgia. Their songs “7th Time Around” and “Nasty Boots” would sound right at home on the first Vibrators album. Loud, fast, hook-laden, and tons of fun! Next up is Heavy Times from Chicago, Illinois with their songs “K-9” and “Lantern Trail”. “K-9” is more uptempo and has early Fugazi written all over it. “Lantern Trail” pulls back on the reigns a bit and features vocals that make me imagine Ron Reyes singing for The Wipers. Batting third is Static Eyes from Milwakee, Wisconsin. I prefer their B-side, a song called “Waves”, but that’s not to say that their A-side entitled “Trouble” isn’t worth your time. To my ears this band puts a more aggressive spin on garage rock/proto punk rock, a la The Stooges, which is fitting since their vocalist sounds to me like a cross between Iggy Pop and Glenn Danzig. Switching gears, the song “5000 Watts” by Washington, DC band Suns Of Guns has more swagger to it than it knows what to do with; at least before it devolves into a noisy mess around the 1:50 mark and then returns to its original groove to close out the song. Also of note is how much the singer sounds like Guy Picciotto. This band’s second track, “Ralph E. Static”, is very similar to a song by the band Amen called “The Waiting”. If you dig hard driving, noisy rock music look no further. And last but not least we have Terry Malts who operates out of California. “Living With The Human Race” demonstrates what it would sound like if Mark Mothersbaugh of DEVO decided to front a post-punk outfit, and it sounds great! B-side “Over 21” is a cover of the band Henry’s Dress, and it’s a scorcher too! Now this is very important fol…”
“Penfold, I’m back again!”
“Mary you’re just in time. That outfit is spot on by the way.”
“I don’t know Penfold. I look like some punk off the street.”
“Exactly Mary. Exactly.”
“Would you like me to tell the people about the music now?”
“No thanks Mary. I’ve already done that.”
“Well what’s left to tell all the shoppers out there watching?”
“Only one of the most important details! Tell them how many sets are available.”
“Oh my goodness you’re right! This is a limited production from Windian Records. Only 200 of these fantastic box sets were produced, and once they’re gone, they’re gone.”
“That’s right waveriders. Our operators are standing by. Don’t miss out on this terrific deal! Call right now and stay tuned to TRESN because next hour we will be offering pre-orders for the Windian Records Subscription Series Volume 2. Yowza!”
--Penfold
Buy Here - http://www.windianrecords.com/store.html
The Barreracudas “7th Time Around”
Heavy Times “K-9”
Static Eyes “Trouble”
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