Monday, April 28, 2014

Steel Panther – All You Can Eat

Yeah, I know.  I'm supposed to be the extreme metal guy around here.  I just love this band, and besides, 30 years ago, this was considered metal.  I love Steel Panther.  Deal with it.

There is just a joie de vivre that this band captures perfectly.  I am a total sucker for hair metal, and these guys do it so very well.  A lot of people get hung up in the image of the band, or the goofy lyrics, but these guys can play.  If they had been around 30 years ago, they would have absolutely been challenging Crue as THE hair metal band.  We all heard the stories about all the wild things that took place backstage, on tour buses, in hotels, during the heyday of spandex and Aquanet.  Steel Panther write the lyrics we all want to hear and tell it exactly how it is.  They capture that whole misogynistic era perfectly.  It was a simpler time, when we all had a lot of fun.

The second track, “Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World”, has a great line that goes, “Make love, with a sheep or a cow or a goose, I know you're wonderin' what it feels like, so take off your pants and get loose”.  I'm sorry, but that shit is funny.  And if you think it's easy to do, that there's no talent involved, give it shot.  Write a song that is a perfect capture of the 80's sound with lyrics that make sense and are funny as hell.  Go ahead, I'll wait.  Not so simple, huh?  “Gloryhole” might be my favorite track on this album, with lots of great lines, but the one that slays me is, “Feel somebody new at the gloryhole, fill someone with goo at the gloryhole”.  And I had to explain ass to mouth a few weeks ago, I hope I don't have to explain what a gloryhole is.

There are great song titles like “Bukkake Tears”, “Gangbang At The Old Folks Home”, which is about a pizza delivery guy who gets more than he bargained for.  “Ten Strikes And You're Out” is the age old story about a guy who just keeps putting up with crap from his girl because she keeps a roof over his head, but hey, enough is enough when you get to ten strikes.  We all have to deal with being awesome in a world of uncool people, hence “The Burden Of Being Wonderful”.  Sometimes we get our hearts broken and it feels like someone is “Fucking My Heart In The Ass”.  “B.V.S.”, “You're Beautiful When You Don't Talk”, “If I Was The King”, and “She's On The Rag” are all pretty self-explanatory and just all things we have to deal with, but it doesn't mean we have to like any of them.

Look, just because I've apologized a couple of times in this review, I don't think we have anything to apologize for.  We all have guilty pleasures, we all have things that make us laugh uncontrollably, certain things just hit that spot for us.  We don't have to explain or justify, it just works.  Steel Panther is one of those things for me.  I honestly feel these guys are geniuses in the lyrics and jokes that they come up with, the musical talent that they show, and the fact that they are all in on this.  None of these guys are doing this halfway, it's all out just like in the 80's.  It is extremely well done and extremely funny.  If you've dug what they've done in the past then you will love this.  If you've been turned off for some reason, give these guys a shot.  Don't be so closed minded that you might miss out on something really good.  Take off your pants and get loose, dude.


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