Guitarist. Clapper. Aspiring author!? This edition of Fistful of Questions goes out to R.J.M. from the band Kolga.
What is your full name?
Robert James Magruder
Do you have any aliases?
Janks, Cholon, Face, Troll, Crusher of Dreams, etc.
What bands are you actively involved with?
Kólga has my full attention at the moment, but you never know.
What was the first instrument that you played?
Contrabass
Tell me about one of your first musical memories.
My first memory of anything musical would be David Bowie descending from the giant Glass Spider during that eponymous tour as a very young child.
What was the name of the first band you were in?
Woof. “Auditory Halo”
Tell me about the genesis of Kolga.
In 2006, Jason Mullins and I conjured the eldritch gods and summoned vitality for all humanity as masked diviners of our own faith known as Vorvadoss, alas we failed, despite Jacob appearing in the likeness of the almighty Bob Dobbs and hatching and sacrificing Aaron on more than one occasion. Time passed, and again we joined forces, this time to spread the faith of The Process Church of the Final Judgement by performing their hymns with Sabbath Assembly across Europe and the US adorned as prophets of the cult. After returning to our native soil, we underwent strange transformations, becoming the bizarre cosmic polyester cowpoke and the indomitable swamp beast of Kallohonka, the undefinable. From the death of one mutation sprang forth a new aural dimension. The sonic hydro-cataclysm that was the abyssal foundation of Kólga poured out from Jason and the plan was set: mutate into surf monsters. With the addition of our talented and dear friends to fill out our mutant lineup: here we are. We have always played alongside one another either in projects, as guests, or on shows for the last 15 years. All of us.
What inspired the name Kolga?
The pagan river god Rán had nine daughters, one of whom is named Kólga, which translates to “cool wave.”
How long did it take you to write and record Black Tides?
Jason wrote the foundation in a fever dream in 2018. We initially had some hiccups and changed up the lineup a bit after the pandemic. Then, we hit the studio in February 2023.
If you could insert yourself into any one band what band would it be and why?
Drouth, my boys are in the band. Would be fun 10/10—sorry new bass guy.
Have you ever heard a song and immediately wished you had written it? If so… What was the song and artist?
I went to junior high and high school with the guy who wrote the Stranger Things soundtrack. I played in bands since I was 12, practiced every week, lessons, orchestra, theory, the whole nine yards. He was into skateboards. Halfway through college, he got into synthesizers. Blammo. It’s just dumb luck sometimes, ain’t it. I’m happy for him, though. Dude wrote a banger of a soundtrack. I Loved the first season. Lazer-focused corporate nostalgia hit its mark on that one.
Do you have any non-metal musical inspirations?
Jason and I did the Sabbath Assembly thing when they were still mostly doing the hymns. I have a penchant for melancholy. I wrote a lot of non-metal stuff for Dead to a Dying World. I might explore some of that, but as a group, I think we might try a few new directions that might be interesting in a non-metal way. Delving deeper into the psych realms, perhaps. We see what comes together. Experiment or die.
What’s a non-metal song that you'd like to do a cover of?
The Nightwatch - King Crimson
What band have you played with that has really impressed you with their live show?
Ecocide was always the best band in Texas.
Do you have a favorite venue to play at?
US - Golden Bull
Europe - UT Connewitz
Do you have a pre-show ritual?
Nah, be yourself. Put on a show, but be yourself, even if you’re dressed like a cryptid.
What is your favorite thing about touring?
New experiences with your friends
What is your least favorite thing about touring?
That dude that says you can crash at his place with nine people but keeps trying to make you smoke DMT that he said he made. He then makes a fire in the backyard with a can of gasoline that also almost catches on fires, cause like this dude is on DMT that he made. Then he passes out on the trampoline while there’s still a large fire and he stops responding to you. You go inside to sleep. At 8 am, the house owner wakes you up, saying that the DMT dude is just couch surfing; get out. Then for some reason, a weird dog sprays some stuff out of its anal glands at you, but it doesn’t hit you. Wait, that's a best thing about tour story. Whoops.
Is there a city that you love to hit while on tour?
New Orleans
What’s the weirdest experience you’ve had on the road?
It was the Vorvadoss/Embolization Tour of 2008? 2009? Something like that. The night before was fucked up. I broke my tailbone and passed out in a disgusting closet (another long story.) We pulled up to a DIY spot in Minneapolis. I knew I was gonna meet this person who reminded me of a traveler, kid Wendy O Williams there. As soon as we piled out the van, this dude came up and started asking us if we like Mountain Dew and gave us some bottles from his backpack. He told us a story about being in Japan and seeing a dude doing a stall on a vert ramp and slamming an entire Mountain Dew while stalled. (Sidebar: my most successful skateboarding experience is limited to street luging into cars down the tallest hill in my neighborhood)
Flash forward to the four noise acts of the night: Mountain Dew guy.
I am in the basement of the venue awaiting the performance of the herald of our arrival. I am the ambassador of Texas to Minneapolis. I am here t…why are the lights are out. Ok whatever, not that weird. There are like 30 people down here. I’m gonna get to the front to show em we are down. Alright, typical noise setup. Contact mics on metal shells of appliances running through pedals. Is he taking his clothes off? Definitely. These normies are gonna freak out. I’m gonna stay right here in the front to see their reactions. Oh now he thinks creeping through the crowd is gonna get me? Yeah right.
Suddenly, the flood light hits. He’s riding the white shell of the appliance, again nude. The cacophony from the PA surrounds us. He arches his back and jets out a thick dark green liquid from his anus. I think, “Alright, that’s new.” He smears his hand into the amalgamation and whips it directly into and across my face. Shocked, I don’t know how to react. Did this the guy just shit in my face? Are these 35 people his friends? If I beat his face in will I escape this basement? I slowly walk upstairs to find Miss Wendy and to be informed that the green mountain dew from earlier, dyed darker green and that I shouldn’t worry he cleaned himself out before inserting the concoction. I played in both touring bands bearing the marks that would not wash off. Then, of course, as I walked to sleep in the van out back, the dude that lived there, Shane from Monsters of Pot, was making an English muffin in the kitchen. I said goodnight and walked toward the door. Just as I reached the threshold he said, “Hey Man.” I glanced back he had pulled out his penis and windmilling it at me. It was, and is to this day, the largest penis I have ever seen.
The year is 2010. Where are you at and what are you listening to?
Driving to the Church at the Lizard Lounge - Alexander Robotnick
What advice would you give young musicians that are just starting out in the music business?
Make music for yourself. Some people in the industry don’t have your best interests at heart.
What is an absolute band killer?
Bitterness, jealousy, and ego. And maybe try not to being a couple and a band.
Have you ever recorded a song that you really didn’t like, but somebody else in the band really did?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
If you were to start your own music festival what would be the name of that festival and who would be the three headlining bands?
I had one. It was called No Thanks Fest. My three favorite headliners were Thou, Pinkish Black, and In the Company of Serpents.
What’s the longest time you’ve gone without bathing?
Unless I'm hiking or camping, I can’t go more than 3 days without, and even then, I need a rinse.
Is the Fistful of DOOM show in the top 10 of your favorite music podcasts?
Absolutely.
Do unicorns sleep standing up?
Speed freaks dude.
Give me three albums that I should listen to immediately, if not sooner.
Altin Gün - On
Tales Under the Oak - Swamp Kingdom
Oil Spill - Silbón
You’re driving cross-country and you can only listen to one album the whole time. What album will it be?
Earth - The Bees Made Honey In the Lion’s Skull has long been my desert drive album. Aphrodite’s Child - 666 always gets a spin along the way as well.
You are writing a book about your life thus far. What is the title of that book?
What the Fuck is this?
What is your favorite song by Taylor Swift?
I will go with Bad Blood, but Katy Perry’s prime hits went way harder.
Slipknot or Rammstein (if you had to choose)?
RAMMSTEIN
Doobies or Boobies (if you had to pick one)?
Bongs AND Dongs.
Waffles or Pancakes (if you had to pick one)?
Waffle Egg Cheese Sausage Sando.
Star Wars or Star Trek (if you had to choose)?
Stargate
Favorite band t-shirt you own?
What Would Jim Jones Do? Bong and Shotgun crossed on the back below an inverted cross. Band called Stull from Kansas.
Favorite meal?
Jimmy’s Food Store sandwiches lately. Hot Italian Beef: Wet or the Italian Stallion.
Favorite book?
The Dispossessed - Ursula Le Guin has been hitting hard lately.
Favorite movie?
This year, it has to be the Villeneuve vision of Dune. I’m a fan of books, the Lynch film, even the William Hurt SyFy Channel Miniseries. The scale and beauty he brought to that universe was entrancing.
Favorite album?
Real talk: at the moment, I cannot stop listening to the abovementioned Tales Under the Oak album. It slaps in traffic or cloaked in wizard robes, volleying flaming arrows in the mystical bamboo forest out back.
Favorite video game?
Elden Ring
Favorite Professional Wrestler?
Randy, the Ram
Huge (with a y sound) thanks to James for taking the time to answer my questions. I appreciate you doing so. As for the rest of you, you should click on the link so generously provided below and wrap your ears around Kolga’s Black Tides. It’s an album that I didn’t know that I needed to hear, but I’m so glad that I did.
~El Pedo Caliente (aka Uncle Jameson from the Fistful of DOOM show)
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